Angel Abuse

Signs of sexual abuse

Most children grow up without being sexually abused. However, when abuse does occur, it's more likely to be by someone the child knows, including relatives or friends of the family, than by a stranger. Sometimes older children abuse younger children.

How can you tell if your child has been sexually abused?
There's no easy way to tell if a child has been sexually abused. Some children may show changes in behaviour or emotional symptoms.

Children who have been, or are being, abused will often be very confused and uncertain about what to do and who to tell. Some children may not realise that what has been done to them is abuse.

What to look for
If your child does any of the following, you may suspect that sexual abuse has occured.

Brings up the subject of sexual abuse or drops hints, possibly testing your reaction.
Mentions that an adult has asked her to keep a secret.
Is secretive about relationships with older children or adults.
Shows sexually explicit behaviour or uses sexual language inappropriate for her age.
Seems very withdrawn or depressed for no obvious reason.
Has physical complaints that have no obvious explanation, for example soreness or redness in the genital area.
Starts bedwetting again or has very disturbed sleep.
Refuses to go to school or has a sudden drop in her work.
Behaves very aggressively.
Harms herself.
Becomes reluctant to be with particular adults, or go to activities she previously enjoyed.
Seems very clingy.
Tries to avoid being left alone with an adult in the family.
Shows fear of an adult or older child.
Remember though, that many other things can cause these symptoms, so it's important not to panic. If you're genuinely concerned, seek professional help.

Why do some children not tell?

Abusers are likely to go to great lengths to keep their behaviour secret

Abusers are likely to go to great lengths to keep their behaviour secret. They may use threats to the child, or to other family members, if the child tells. They also play on her guilt, and may persuade them it was her fault, and that she wanted it to happen. Some abusers may pretend that abuse is normal and a way of showing love in families.

If your child tells you they have been abused
If your child tells you that she's been abused, you'll probably feel devastated but it's important to:

Believe your child - children almost never lie about abuse.
Let your child talk - give her as much encouragement as possible to talk about it with you, but don't force her to give details if she doesn't want to.
Make it clear the abuser is to blame - let your child know the abuse is NOT her fault.
Stress that she's done the right thing by telling you - reassure her constantly that telling you was the best thing she could do, and that she's safe now.
Get professional help to deal with the situation - call the police or the NSPCC, or talk to your GP, health visitor or social services. See the section below for telephone numbers.
Get some support for yourself - talk to a trusted friend or relative about your own feelings. Get professional support to help you deal with your feelings if you need to (see Support for you ).
What to do if you think a child is being abused
If you have any concerns about the safety of a child, it's better to trust your instincts and take action to make sure that any abuse is stopped.

Call the NSPCC's free 24-hour helpline (Tel: 0808 800 5000 or textphone: 0800 056 0566) to discuss your concerns.
Call the police - if a child is in danger, contact them immediately.
Talk to your GP, health visitor or social services for advice on what to do next.
Other useful organisations include Kidscape, tel: 020 7730 3300, and Parentline Plus, tel: 0808 800 2222.

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